She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
