It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
