i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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