Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
We're too hungover to prance.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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