If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
