I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
my being single is dangerous.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
