I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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