WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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