I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
this is an emotional support booty call
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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