when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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