Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?

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(214): View more from Texas

Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.

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(336): View more from North Carolina

This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.

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(509): View more from Washington

You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.

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(705): View more from Ontario

She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.

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(914): View more from New York

I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.

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(307): View more from Wyoming

Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.

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(516): View more from New York

Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/

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