remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
