she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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