I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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