the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
