Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
