she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
