I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Randomize
