Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
