The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
