I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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