Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
love makes seman taste better
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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