dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
