haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize