U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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