she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
