They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
