So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
