I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
