Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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