We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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