I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
