you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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