Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize