): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
