Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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