So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize