No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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