in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize