Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize