Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
