don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
