Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
