the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
