I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
