i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
wat bout pragnant strippers??
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
