apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize