You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
