In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
