I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
