I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
