Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
