actually, I'm a sock model
I wish i was in the wii world.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
