okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
