She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
