A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
