I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
