Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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