I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
