We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
