Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
