The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
