Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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