He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
