i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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