Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize