8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
