having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
