Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
